2011年7月27日水曜日

Mentally Unprepared

It still hasn't hit me yet, despite all the goodbye speeches and farewell parties, I still feel as if I am staying in Japan for an indefinite period of time. I can't imagine being at home in California and eating those delicious In N Out burgers that I've been craving. I can't picture what it will be like to see all of my best friends and family face-to-face rather than as a pixelated version on Skype or Gchat. I'm cleaning my desk at work now. It will probably take a few days because I haven't convinced myself that I have only 4 days of work left.

Today, I took a mini two hour nap in the nurse's office because my benadryl didn't wear off in the morning and I was still groggy. I had one of those dreams where I couldn't tell if I had woken up or not. (This will teach me to avoid taking allergy meds if I plan to wake up after 6 hours!)

Anyway, I have a feeling that's what it's going to feel like when I get back to the States. I'll be unsure of whether or not things were real. All the amazing times with friends on the weekends and holidays traveling in and outside of Japan; All the events in Ishikawa; joking with co-workers in English and Japanese; The cheerful students who will always greet you when they see you; All the things in Japan will feel like a dream.

I will miss it all. Well, I have to get back to reality and tackle this mess on my desk. Here's a little story my friend Craig wrote:

It was all a dream. Megan woke up and looked at her bedside clock. The time read 5:45am. It was tuesday. She had slept for two days straight following a wild fondue party with friends. She had dreamt of days, no, months spent in japan, living life as one of the locals in a small town in ishikawa prefecture.

"I can't believe it wasn't real," she muttered under her breath as she began to get out of bed. She had to get ready for work. It was early, but she had a long commute to Anaheim. She was a character in the disneyland theme park. Some kind of blue alien. It went by the name of Stitch.

2011年7月20日水曜日

Goodbyes are hard to say in any language...

My body is an ocean of tears
and my skin is just the dam
When my heart quakes, the dam just breaks
and all pours out without fail

mini-poem by moi :P

The past few weeks have included a string of good bye lessons, good byes to the students I don't teach (method is to bother them at lunch when they can't move) and finally today will be my goodbye speech in front of all 800 people in Meiho.

It should be about 6 minutes long, including both English and Japanese. Hopefully, I can finish it without breaking down into tears for longer than 10 seconds. I think the best way to go is smiling and with a positive attitude, but that's probably not going to happen on stage. Imagining all those hopeful faces staring back at me, I can't help but cry. LOL Taken out of context this sounds horrible.

In any case...頑張る I'll do my best.

Time to practice my speech. Paper in front of me, tissue box to the side and a huge smile on my face.